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Sex, Sexuality and Reproduction Membership
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Romantic Love
is as old as humanity. Here is an Egyptian love poem from 3000 years ago:
The sight of her makes me well! Love has always played different roles in different cultures throughout history, and has not always played a part in intimate relationships or Marriage. In pre-modern Europe, most marriages were arranged according to economic circumstances rather than mutual attraction. Kissing, caressing, and other forms of physical affection were rare among married couples. Only among aristocratic groups was sexual freedom allowed among "respectable" women. (Anthony Giddens: The Transformation of Intimacy, Polity 1992, p38-9). Then, the ideals of love and passion were closely connected to Christianity. People believed that passionate devotion to God would allow self-knowledge and mystical union between man and woman. This idealisation of and permanent involvement with the love object were the main ideas that influenced romantic love, which became popular in the 18th century, coinciding with the emergence of the novel. Both romantic love and the novel were narrations that explored personal meaning and self-understanding. Romantic love became more closely associated with freedom as a result. Romance was still influenced by ideas of fate or destiny, but it was becoming a more open avenue, which allowed a person some control over the future, and psychological security. (The Transformation of Intimacy, p39-41). The rise of romantic love was supported by 3 major social changes: the creation of the home (as it became separated from the workplace); the changing relations between parents and children; and what has been called "the invention of motherhood". The changes were closely connected to women's liberation and resulted in love and emotional support in the home being a prime responsibility of a mother and wife. Romantic novels and stories were the first form of mass-literature and were widely read. Though they could breed passivity through escapism, they also expressed hope for freedom and rebellion against the status quo. Romantic love was deeply involved in the changes in Marriage and personal life, not least because it involves a degree of self-interrogation: How do I feel about the other? How does the other feel about me? Is this love deep enough to last? Romantic love points towards a life-long direction, an anticipated future the lovers can fashion, creating a shared story and giving a long-term relationship a special primacy among family life. (The Transformation of Intimacy, p43-44). Today, some people have claimed that love is "the central drama of our time" as evidenced by the growth of the marriage and counselling industry, family courts, marital self-help groups and divorce and remarriage rates. People marry for the sake of love; they engage in an endless cycle of hoping, regretting and trying again. There remains a deep hope and faith in the possibility of finding true love and fulfilment. That love seems too simple an answer for the problems of today is exactly why is has such appeal. (Anthony Giddens, Sociology, p179)
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