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Sex, Sexuality and Reproduction
Membership
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Marriage
Modern life is characterised by the socialisation of the natural world, nature becomes controlled by social organisation. Reproduction was once part of nature, and heterosexuality its inevitable and necessary focal point. But now that reproduction is separate from sex, heterosexuality is no longer the standard by which everything else is judged. One day, heterosexuality will be understood as one preference among others. (The Transformation of Intimacy, p34) No longer must people marry because it is economically necessary and immoral to do otherwise. Today, people marry or enter personal relationships because they want to. They have children because they want to. Sexuality is a means of forming connections with others, rather than a way of sustaining a family. Passion is secularised, romantic love individualised. We are faced with choices that can liberate, confuse or terrify. Not all of our choices are recognised by the majority of people, or by government, despite their legitimacy, because outdated ideas and laws persist and because some people fear breaking with tradition. Marriage and/or relationships, sex, family, and children are still a great concern for many people - but it is how to exercise our freedom rather than follow tradition which concern us. Though heterosexual marriage still seems to be central to the social order, in reality freely chosen relationships and sexual freedom have undermined it Marriage confers certain benefits that must be open to all. Married couples benefit from a spousal exemption from inheritance tax. Many occupational pension schemes work in favour of married couples. Married couples also become each others' "next of kin". This confers visiting rights in hospitals and affects the rules governing what happens to someone's estate when they die. Our laws have yet to catch up with our private lives. The protection of personal choice by law is of great importance because without that protection our choices can be invalidated, our relationships ruined, our futures imperiled and our children taken from us. The law must change to protect all kinds of families and relationships by making a modern form of marriage available to all -this is our human right. Marriage has changed a great deal since 90 years ago when unmarried girls who became pregnant were sent in their thousands to reformatories and mental hospitals. The Mental Deficiency Act (1913) allowed local authorities to certify, and imprison indefinitely, unmarried pregnant women who were poor, homeless or deemed "immoral". Illegitimate pregnancy was claimed to be a sign of mental subnormality. Richer women could avoid this fate by having illegal - and very dangerous - abortions. Ignorance about Sex, Sexuality and Reproduction was widespread. Attitudes to, and laws governing sex and marriage changed slowly for women. Divorce laws favoured men until the mid-1960's and have been improving since then. Today, two-fifths of marriages end in divorce, but this does not indicate dissatisfaction with marriage; rather it shows that people have an increased determination to make marriage rewarding and satisfying. That 40% of marriages are remarriages illustrates this determination. (Giddens, Sociology - Polity 2001, p181 and p183) Changes in relationships between men and women, and how men and women understand themselves as a man or a woman, have weakened the hold of traditional marriage over intimacy. Men became wary of marriage in the 20th century and so stayed single to enjoy his economic success rather than supporting a wife and children. Today men have greater freedom than women do because they have higher wages and still benefit from traditional sexual hypocrisy regarding adultery, virginity and sexual appetite. Women head the majority of single-parent families, and make up a high proportion of the poor. This inequality has yet to be addressed. Single mothers should have a sufficient minimum income to provide for themselves and their family without needing assistance from men, which means equality of opportunity in the labour market. Provision for childcare, vocational training and government support for unpaid women are also needed. Women are remaining the real bedrock of the family, while men move through their lives. (Barbara Ehrenreich: The Hearts of Men, Pluto 1983). However, the economic supremacy of men has its own cost. Many men have become zombies driven my motives they barely understand. Modern culture is overrun with "businessmen zombies, golf zombies, sports car zombies, playboy zombies... playing by the rules of the male game plan who have lost touch with, or are running away from, their feelings and awareness of themselves as people." (Herb Goldberg: The Hazards of Being Male, Signet 1976, p3). The article White-collar sweatshops batter young workers is an example of the work-ethic gone wrong. Women have broken free of their domestic prison and continue to struggle for fuller freedom, but men are still acting out traditional roles that sap their time and energy. Men have to cease worrying about being thought a coward, weak, a failure, impotent. Men need to escape from the increasing demands of work and spend more time with their children and loved-ones and to cultivate friendships. Less work, better pay and adequate paternity leave can be part of the solution.
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